no comfort

I have never really read Star Wars fics before but you are def changing that! I am even rewatching the clone wars because I like your stories so much! I am soo curious as to what will happen next in the secret we carry! Is obi gonna be okay? How are the medics gonna react? What is Ani gonna do?

Posted on av swmoddy

Busting into the room, Anakin paused uncertainly to take in the chaos of the medbay.

While Obi-Wan had been the primary target of Grievous but the troopers, bless their hearts, had thrown themselves into the line of fire so to speak, trying to slow the karking asshole down.

That and the droids Grievous had brought with him onto the Negotiator with the boarding ship had lead to several troopers becoming injured and in worst case, death.

So the medbay was full, Helix and the junior medics rushing around, helping those they could.

Loath to disturb the medics saving lives, Anakin took a deep breath through his nose and focused on Obi-Wan’s Force aura, tracing it to a bed further in the back.

Either drugged or having fallen naturally asleep, Obi-Wan was resting on a crisp, white medical bed, his clothes changed from the soft cardigan and sweats to medical garb and he wasn’t alone in the back as by his side in a chair, holding his hand though he quickly let go when Anakin approached, Commander Cody.

The commander nodded to Anakin when he approached but made no move to stand up.

Considering the brace currently from settled around left knee, that was understandable and Anakin sent it a quick frown.

“Grievous kicked me,” Cody answered the silent question, Anakin hissing quietly since he knew how hard that fucker could lash out. “Yeah, Helix has done what he could but I might not be walking without a limp, it all depends on how well it heals and even then, I’m gonna feel it when the weather pressure changes.” He sighed quietly.

Sighing quietly along with him, Anakin slowly sat down on the bedside, grasping the hand Cody had been holding moments before, tracing the back of Obi-Wan’s freckled hand with his thumb. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here faster. I’m sorry we didn’t chase them away quicker.” Anakin whispered, feeling drained and tired as he wasn’t sure if he was apologizing to Cody or Obi-Wan.

So many lives had been lost and people he cared about injured.

Because Grievous had found them.

Someone had leaked the information of their position, of that Anakin was certain and an uneasy feeling had settled in his stomach.

He would have to check the comms of both the Resolute and the Negotiator but something told him that outside of himself, the only outside contact might be the Jedi council.

The same council that had sent them here for Obi-Wan’s safety and had censored Obi-Wan’s folder to prevent the mission details to be leaked.

He had, in a fit of paranoia, contacted Ahsoka and had her try to slice the file, his padawan informing him with a smile that nope, neither her or any of her friends could get into the mission folder.

And then they had to explain to a stern faced Mace Windu what they had been doing.

Thankfully the master of the order hadn’t punished anyone, only given Anakin a long, stoic look over holo before sighing and told him to look after Obi-Wan.

Not that Anakin wasn’t already doing that as best he could but…

Well, he couldn’t overwhelm or hover over Obi-Wan either and sometimes he had to do other things.

Staring at the pale face of his master, Anakin let out a deep breath. “How was he?” He questioned, not looking away even as he aimed the question at Cody.

There was a shift. “Karking scrap metal gave him internal bleeding, broke four of his ribs, tore several muscles in his left arm and he had a gash on the back of his head that gave him a concussion after he hit the wall,” The words were tight and quiet, Cody clearly unhappy to recite the injuries but knowing Anakin would want to know. “Helix fixed him up of course but those things on top of his existing conditions… Helix put him into a healing coma.” The commander explained.

Frustration bubbled up in Anakin’s stomach as he tightened his grip on the others hand.

He understood why but Force, why was it always Obi-Wan?

His heart hurt just looking at his former master. “… He’s going to loose weight again.” Anakin whispered bitterly.

Cody just nodded mutely in agreement, the two staring at Obi-Wan’s weary, pale face as they both cursed the fates that seemed to land Obi-Wan in trouble.

That fan art by Kyitsya, the one about the separatists capturing Obi-wan, could you write something about that? Something Obikin maybe?

Posted on av swmoddy

Hurrying through the hall, Anakin could feel his heartbeat in his ears as prisoners ran past him and the troopers in a bid for freedom, a few of them glancing warily at the Jedi and the GAR troopers but for the most part ignoring them.

And Anakin ignored them in return, having been the one to open the cells to cause maximum amount of confusion and havoc for the fucking Separatists to deal with.

He had only one goal.

To find Obi-Wan, the others Force aura muffled and unmoving and so far away still despite Anakin and the troopers with him rushing.

Two months ago, Obi-Wan had gone missing during a battle, much to the consternation of many and the obvious concern of his men, especially Cody as the commander had Obi-Wan’s lightsaber in his hand and had it resting on his belt ever since then.

And yet they hadn’t been left to ponder or search for long before they knew who had him.

General Tavok, one of Dooku’s more rational and cunning subordinates, had managed to capture Obi-Wan and the CIS hadn’t wasted a moment in announcing that to the galaxy at large.

Obi-Wan had looked beaten but chipper, sniping at Dooku with a cocky grin on his lips despite the swollen left eye he sported and the blood staining the left side of his neck and tunic in a large pool that made Anakin suspect a head wound that had bleed freely.

It had been a relief, to see Obi-Wan well despite his injuries on his knees beside Dooku on the podium, to hear him sassing Dooku as he always did on the battlefields…to begin with at least.

But then Dooku had begun his speech, revealing his plan as Ventress had lumbered into view with needle and thread in hand, declaring the Negotiator’s most dangerous weapon was his words, words Dooku was going to have silence to prevent him from ‘lying’.

Anakin had never seen his master react as he had at that moment, the redhead looking like he was on the verge of a panic attack as two other burly men had grabbed his shoulders, holding him still as a rather tall female held his head still for Ventress.

She had smirked at him, as Obi-Wan, wild eyed with his panic, had hissed at her in return.

He would never forget the sounds Obi-Wan made, as the witch had closed his mouth with the Force and tortuously slowly started to stitch Obi-Wan’s mouth shut, helpless and yet unable to look away, his hands clenching and unclenching with Ahsoka staring in horror beside him as her grandmaster’s mouth was sewed shut.

Someone had gagged in the room as Obi-Wan screamed, the sound muffled behind his closed lips as Ventress continued sewing, using double stitches, if it was to prolong the pain or ensure he wouldn’t be able to open his mouth, Anakin was uncertain.

All he was certain of, was of Obi-Wan’s pain, his panic, how blood had started to run down into his beard, how it had dripped from his disheveled beard hair and onto his creased and dirty tunic.

It had taken half an hour for Ventress to finish sewing Obi-Wan’s mouth shut, the woman clearly enjoying the entire process, taking her time, ensuring Obi-Wan would hurt as she used several small stitches before finally declaring herself done to Dooku.

The men had let go of Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan had slumped to the ground, shaking, his breath going fast, clearly still panicking as muffled whimpers and cries escaped him still.

That had been almost two months ago and Anakin shuddered to think what condition Obi-Wan was in, it was why he had left Ahsoka with Rex in the distraction attack outside the city, to ensure the forces would be spread and the rescue team could get to Obi-Wan.

Finally they got to where Obi-Wan’s Force aura was and Anakin felt as if he had been punched as Cody bared orders for the rest of the troopers to set up guard, realizing from Anakin’s actions that they were in the correct place.

But Anakin couldn’t focus on the commander following only a step behind him because this was an isolation cell hall, he recognized them vaguely from his slavery years, having only seen them but never entered them thankfully.

They were used for slaves that didn’t obey, slaves that were to be used for certain purposes that you didn’t want to give lasting damage to and Anakin knew that these kinds of cells were listed on the Sentient rights act as barbaric and against Sentient rights.

He had once thought the whole thing was hypocritical, considering the Senate didn’t reach out to try and disband slavery but at least the Sentient rights act made people aware what was illegal.

Right now, Anakin just wished he didn’t know though as he saw the single shape in the first cell that was simply it with the light from the hallway. “No…” He whispered, stepping in quickly, wincing at the tiny, barred cell that contained only the person it was suppose to house, not a window or a light in sight.

Obi-Wan was laying on the floor, his hands bound together, shirtless and bootless and while he was breathing, he showed no other sign of consciousness despite the light in the room and like this, Anakin could see how gaunt Obi-Wan had become along with all the injuries the other had gained on his upper body at least.

Nausea welled up in Anakin even as he forced it away to drop down at his master’s side and roll him onto his back, the hairs on the back of his neck rising as the older man never made a sound.

Glazed, empty eyes stared back at him, Obi-Wan seemingly not even realizing he was being touched.

His mouth was still stitched shut, the stitches clearly infected and swollen with pus leaking from them, blood crusted in his wild beard with a little tube placed between his lips in the middle that Anakin had suspicions about but wasn’t certain.

His horror growing, Anakin stripping his robe off to wrap around his master. “Obi-Wan… Obi-Wan, please…” He whispered, desperate for a reaction as Cody stood in the doorway, the man’s own horror and helpless rage joining Anakin’s as Obi-Wan gave no response, not even when Anakin lifted the too light form to carry him.

Even a whimper would have soothed their fears.

But the redhead in his arms gave no indication of awareness, despite blinking slowly in the light as Anakin realized what Obi-Wan had done.

Obi-Wan had separated his mind from his body to protect himself. Anakin had learned about this technique a long time ago, Obi-Wan himself teaching him it with a warning about the dangers of this particular act. It was called escapism, diverting your mind from your body to avoid extreme and prolonged boring or unpleasant situations.

Like torture.

The torture Obi-Wan had clearly been subjected to at the hands of the Separatists, maybe to get information or maybe for sick, twisted amusement.

Anakin didn’t know which of them it was but he could see the result as he hurried out into the hallway, intent on getting Obi-Wan far, far, far away from the cell and to safety instead, to the healers as Anakin didn’t dare touch in fear of harming his master more than he already was.

I don’t know if you’re doing prompts right now but I just watched the Rako Hardeen and had an idea; So Obi-Wan’s back and things are tense between him and everyone (because it’s a dick move to fake your death but at the same time maybe show a little relief before jumping straight to anger when he isn’t) and it takes Anakin/everyone a while to notice that Obi’s health is failing because he’s pregnant (and doesn’t know if it happened before or after he went undercover). And just pure ANGST/comfort

Posted on av swmoddy

Troopers understand duty, they are after all manufactured for the war as much as Obi-Wan hates to think that way.

That however doesn’t mean they don’t feel hurt.

Doesn’t mean that they can’t feel like you’ve betrayed their trust and fair be, Obi-Wan has betrayed everyone’s trust even if he’s doing his duty as a Jedi of the Republic.

He gets it.

That doesn’t mean he has to like it, especially combined with Anakin’s anger and Ahsoka’s sad disappointment.

And he certainly doesn’t have to like the cold professionalism Cody and the rest of the 212th display or Anakin’s surprisingly scorching ‘cold’ shoulder.

And Ahsoka, for all that they have forced her out into a war, is still a child, a child he has disappointed. Obi-Wan will not make her choose between the adults and instead just quietly smiles at her and gestures for her to follow Anakin when she seems to hesitate.

Holding onto anger is not the Jedi’s way she knows.

But Obi-Wan understands.

Anakin doesn’t handle loosing people well and what Obi-Wan did…

So he lets the treatment continue, spanning from days to weeks after his return from his mission.

It hurts of course, he won’t deny that and from Anakin, it feels hypocritical considering the ‘secrets’ he thinks he has and what Obi-Wan knows he’d do to protect the people he cares for. And the Chancellor is a friend of Anakin, he’d go far for that friend.

But Obi-Wan understands, he failed them even as he did his duty, duty that personally hurt them even if the 212th at least understood why.

Hurt is a hard emotion to handle and Obi-Wan understands.

That doesn’t mean he handles their rejection, professionalism or coldness well, retreating to his room when there isn’t either a planning, battle or conversation with the council in progress.

He’s… isolated, to say the least.

‘When was the last time I was this isolated?’ Obi-Wan wonders, fiddling ideally with the ration bar he had grabbed before putting it aside and pulling his pad over instead. He’s not really any hungry, so he can get some work done instead.

Not that he’s been hungry all that much lately if he was honest, waking nauseous as he has with only a cup of tea in the morning to try and settle his stomach.

And eating in the mess was…

No, he’d rather not sit alone at a table in the mess with the emotions pounding against his shields.

So, eating and working in his quarters it was, not that the ration bars were all that… interesting if he was honest.

A bland smile crossed his lips. ‘Anakin or Cody would hunted me down and forced me to eat it before, watched until they were sure it was gone… or gone and searched for something else if we had the time and resources for it… maybe a kelpbar if I was lucky…’ He mournfully mused.

The thought seemed to echo through him, Obi-Wan’s hands shaking before a muffled sob escaped him, the Jedi master dropping the pad to cover his mouth in surprise even as his eyes watered.

Blinking rapidly, Obi-Wan tried to control himself, tried to push the emotions into the Force just for it to keep building, tears rolling down the back of Obi-Wan’s weathered, callused covered hands.

Hunching over, Obi-Wan wrapped his shields around himself tightly, not wanting Anakin or Ahsoka to catch him as he let go, sobbing into his own hands for all that he had lost. The trust, the companionship, the care and the friendships.

‘I’m sorry!’

()()()()

Nibbling on her bottom lip carefully, Ahsoka watched Master Obi-Wan’s back as the other retreated from the command space.

Ever since the whole Hardeen fiasco as she had come to call it, everyone had been upset at Master Obi-Wan, including her but she was honestly starting to get rather worried. In the beginning, it hadn’t seemed like the human Jedi had made much notice of the cold shoulders he was getting from Anakin but…

Well, Ahsoka wasn’t an expert on humans but master Obi-Wan was starting to look unhealthily pale, though the fact that he had mostly managed to grow out his hair and beard covered it more up once again.

There was however a fine tremble in his shoulders now that she was watching closely, one he seemed to try to hide as one of the shiny’s interrupted his path, a pad in his hands and questions on their lip.

Maybe a requisition order?

Master Obi-Wan was smiling, but there was something blank in his eyes and had Master Obi-Wan’s profile always been that sharp?

Nervously, Ahsoka slid to Anakin’s side, tugging at his sleeve while mentally bolstering herself, eyes half on Obi-Wan still. “Snips?” Anakin raised his brows, blinking down at her, though she noted with some pride that she was catching up to the man. “Something up?”

Licking her lips, Ahsoka tilted her head to the hallway. “I know you’re upset with him,” That was saying it mildly but saying he was angry with master Obi-Wan wasn’t a good idea she felt. “But doesn’t Master Obi-Wan look gaunt?” Ahsoka questioned, holding onto the others sleeve as she saw from the corner of her eyes that Obi-Wan saluted the trooper and started walking once more, though her main focus remained on her master.

She therefore got to see Anakin go stiff, thundering frown darkening his face before his eyes narrowed at her words, his gaze shooting to the hallway.

Due to her attention being on her master, she missed the sight of Commander Cody tensing behind her, the man’s attention also shooting to the hallway.

Which was why they all got the full view of Obi-Wan falling forward, the human male hitting the floor with a dull thud that seemed to echo all the way back to the now silent and shocked command, the shiny that had been talking to Obi-Wan looking spooked as he stared at the Jedi master from his position nearer the room than the General.

A second of cold, unnerving silence seemed to echo before Anakin ripped his sleeve out of her grasp and ran forward. “OBI-WAN!” He roared out, his worry plain even without the Force as it pressed down on everyone, the blond practically teleporting to his old master’s side with Cody not far behind.

Obi-Wan Kenobi however remained oblivious to the concern, sprawled on the durasteel floor of their current setup, dead to the world as his nose oozed blood onto the cold, metal floor.

You totally made me cry with that last post in AwolJedi! But it’s good that Anakin, Ahsoka, and the twins are home with their family now. Anakin’s got a lot to do to mend relationships, but he can do it! I would like to see what happens in Coruscant when Padme finally realizes her husband and kids are gone. Does her staff hide it from her? Do they try to give Anakin the time to get away? Are they compassionate? Does Padme even admit that her family is missing but she never noticed?

Posted on av swmoddy

The children are gone.

Anakin is gone.

They have been gone for a full day before Padme cottoned on that something wasn’t right and had gone looking for them.

She just thought…

Well, Anakin had started avoiding her lately and had even stopped sleeping in their bed, sulking around the apartment and Sabe, Ariva and Natalia all reported that he wanted nothing to do with them despite Padme leaving them behind to help with the twins.

No, Anakin had apparently growled at them to stay away and taken care of the twins himself.

Padme just…

She already had a fight on her hand with the Senate, she hadn’t wanted a fight at home too.

But maybe she should have fought, maybe she wouldn’t be sitting on the couch then, all alone with a pad in her hand containing Anakin’s message for her.

He had left it behind in the babies room, brightly lit and blinking so it would be the first thing Padme saw in the otherwise dark room.

He had just needed time she told herself, time to adjust, time to settle down, time to stop sulking while she did her work as the Senator of her people. It was her duty after all!

It seemed she had however miscalculated.

Because Anakin was gone and he had taken their children with him.

What did it say about her as a mother that it took her a little over a day, almost one and a half, to see that the kids were gone, that something was completely, almost obscenely, wrong.

It makes her…

Well, Padme’s emotions could be a thing of pain but right now self loathing and anger is very prevalent as she sits in the dark with the pad where Anakin has written his last words before leaving their apartment.

Seemingly forever.

Or that was the impression at least.

If she was anymore foolish, she might wave it off, think that Anakin just needed a good long sulk and then he’d return, chipper and smiling if a bit tense until they could sooth things over.

But Padme Amidala is not that foolish.

She knows Anakin Skywalker, for all that he can make rushed decisions, he’s not made this one impulsively.

No, this action Anakin has deliberated over. This action has been thought over for days if not weeks and over that time, it has only made him more certain that leaving Padme and taking the children were the right choice.

Lifting the pad once more, Padme stared bleakly at the words despite the light of the pad hurting her already sore eyes more.

‘Dear Padme,

I’m sorry to say that by the time you see this, I’ll be gone. Maybe very far depending on how fast you come looking for us but at this point, I find myself rather sure it will take you at least half a day before you notice anything.

I hope it only takes you half a day.

That you have more care for the twins at least that you came to see them sleep and see that they are alright.

If it took longer…

I don’t know. I don’t want to know if you really took anymore time to see to them.

If its not obvious by now, I’m gone for good and so are the twins. Obi-Wan has sent a ship for me that will take me to wherever the Jedi are now and no, they haven’t told me where. I don’t need to know where I’m going to know I’m going somewhere safe. I’m going home finally, after all, Obi-Wan is there.

My comm codes are still the same, should you wish to contest my claim to the kids, but I wonder if you will. I wonder what kind of standing that would leave your family name in considering why I left and why I took the kids with me.

I won’t be taking the kids forever, we’ll come visit but primary custody… that’s mine now Padme. I can’t trust you not to hand the twins over to the handmaidens or someone else to raise.

WE’RE their parents Padme, not the handmaidens, as nice as they are.

We can figure out some kind of visitation right once you’re ready to talk.

Anakin.’

Staring at the words, Padme couldn’t help but stare at the bottom.

At one point, Anakin would have written ‘with all my love’, even in the midst of the war when they couldn’t let people know.

But here… here he had left it off.

Left Padme off.

Alone in what had once been their apartment.

Alone in the dark.

She’d never felt so alone before… because this time, she knew he wasn’t coming back.

No, no, no, Palpatine CAN NOT get away with this!!! Noooooooo, please Moddy, take pity on Obiwan in KyberTears (and on your readers)! Rescue him!! Please! Please with maple syrup on it 0.0

Posted on av swmoddy

Its very anticlimactic.

Almost disappointing Obi-Wan would say but that could be the pain or the blood loss speaking on his part he has to admit.

One moment he’s dazedly watching Palpatine gloat, watching him marvel at the wrongness in his hands that he has placed into a shielded little container.

The next he’s watching Palpatine make his way towards the door while talking about getting the droids to prep Obi-Wan for travel, to have him leave Coruscant.

He has a moment of fear, a moment of longing for Anakin, for the temple, for Cody and the safety of their presence.

The door slips open before Palpatine’s hand is pressed to the lock and even without the Force, Obi-Wan can feel the shock echoing through everyone as Anakin stares at Palpatine and Palpatine stares at Anakin.

Anakin’s face turns dark, almost savage and feral and blue lights up everything as his lightsaber pierces through the body in front of him, Palpatine letting out a choking noise of shock.

Its so… anticlimactic.

To watch Palpatine just stagger back and fall on his back with a heavy thump, to watch the vial with the black kyber fall from his grasp and skitter along the floor as Obi-Wan dazedly takes in the scene of the fallen Sith in his luxurious peacock robes.

It was such a… common death.

It was almost as if Obi-Wan had expected something more, for Palpatine to explode in a black snarling spirit and rush through Palpatine.

Or maybe just explode.

Perhaps escape out into the galaxy and try to take down an entire planet with him?

And yet all he now was, was an old man, laying on the floor with blank, wide eyes of shock, his blood already starting to cool with a hole through his chest where his heart should be.

Maybe that was poetic in a way?

This mastermind, pulling the strings and orchestrating an entire galactic war, dying like any other person, like any droid the Jedi encountered in the field.

Just common scrap.

‘Death cares not for sinner or saints, it simply takes without concern for young or old, right or wrong…’ Obi-Wan couldn’t help but remember the words Qui-Gon had once murmured to him, holding Obi-Wan tightly to his chest after the two hadn’t been able to save an orphanage during a planetary disaster.

Death had certainly cared little that Palpatine had orchestrated so much death.

Lifting his eyes from the Sith to his rescuers, Obi-Wan blinked blearily at his former padawan as Anakin snarled down at the body at his feet.

“Ani…” He called out piteously.

In that moment, unaware as he was, he could not tell how caught in his emotions Anakin was until he heard Obi-Wan call out, couldn’t see the flicker of yellow leeching into the others eyes.

He did see the others head snap up, could see the blue eyes go wide with horror as Anakin choked out his name and threw himself forward into the mostly white chamber of a cell, the saber pretty much dropped in favor of Anakin cupping Obi-Wan’s face. “Oh Force what has he done to you.” Anakin gasped out, eyes rowing over Obi-Wan’s face and body.

It was a rhetorical question of course but Obi-Wan gave a small, empty laugh and wiggled his covered stump a bit. “Oh you know, little bit of torture, little bit of amputation and deprivation, standard Sith behavior.”

Lips trembling, his hand desperately brushing through Obi-Wan’s hair, Anakin gave a sob like laugh. “Commander, call for a medic, now. We need a medic down here now.” He got out shakily.

‘Commander?’ Obi-Wan blinked then raised his eyes as best he could, seeing white and orange in the doorway. “Cody?” He questioned, tongue feeling thick in his mouth.

“Yes, Cody,” Anakin drew his attention back, Obi-Wan letting out a soft noise as the blond snapped the manacles holding him in place, though he left the harness be. Probably for the best as Obi-Wan had no legs to stand on. “He came with me, he knew I’d find you. So he followed me when I found you with our bond.” Anakin was babbling.

Blinking a bit, Obi-Wan let out a low noise before smiling softly as he dropped his aching, sore arms around the others shoulders. “I knew you’d find me… you always come to find me.” Obi-Wan whispered before turning his head just enough to press his dry lips to Anakin’s warm hand.

It had Anakin tensing. “Don’t you dare.” He hissed quietly, voice tinged with desperation.

Obi-Wan just nuzzled lightly.

“Don’t you dare sound like you’re saying goodbye,” Anakin’s voice turned pleading before he leaned in and pressed their foreheads together. “Obi-Wan, don’t leave me.”

Huffing faintly, Obi-Wan nuzzled their noses together. “I’m so tired Anakin.” He confessed quietly.

He could count every eyelash of the others eyes, could see the texture change of Anakin’s eyebrow splitting scar.

And he could see how Anakin’s pleading eyes turned desperate. “Don’t leave me Obi-Wan, please, just hold on a little bit longer.” He whispered, reaching in to Obi-Wan’s throat to try and get the collar cutting him from the Force off.

“You were always so much stronger than me,” Obi-Wan murmured, weakly clutching at the other before letting out a soft noise as Cody was suddenly there beside them, the commander fanatically talking into his comm, speaking with Helix about the machine that was pumping Obi-Wan’s blood still. “So brave and…” Obi-Wan let out a low noise, eyes fluttering shut.

“No, no you made me strong Obi-Wan, you can’t… Obi-Wan?” Anakin’s hands paused on the seamless collar.

The Jedi didn’t answer.

“OBI-WAN!”

Oh, crap! Now that Obi-Wan’s been separated from Anakin in Khybertears does Palpacreep try to nab him?

Posted on av swmoddy

Stepping into the office, Anakin resisted the urge to flee right back out the door and it was only half because he didn’t like leaving Obi-Wan alone.

The other half was because he was wholly and fully uncomfortable with Padme as he stood in front of her desk, sliding his hands into his sleeves and grasping his own elbows in a tight clenching move.

It was an action Obi-Wan had taught him, quietly telling him that it made it seem like Anakin was more approachable but also more confidant than he really was as it wasn’t quite crossing his arms defensively over his chest but instead leaving it open while puffing his chest out seemingly confidant.

Of course, that made Anakin think about the amount of times Obi-Wan did the exact same pose but he had long known that Obi-Wan hid his emotions very well.

“Please leave us.” Padme murmured softly to her handmaidens, sending both them and the security detail to the outer part of the office where the secretary was.

The door closed behind them and Padme sat down on her chair, peering up at Anakin with her large, beautiful doe brown eyes.

Force was she ever beautiful.

‘And yet… love is not always enough.’ Anakin reminded himself.

“Will you… please sit?” Padme started cautiously, gesturing to the chairs.

Tilting his head, Anakin let out a low noise. “I think I prefer to stand Senator Amidala.” He returned, his heart aching when she flinched at the address.

“Anakin.” She started, her tone pleading but seemingly lacked how to continue.

Anakin didn’t know how to continue either.

Several seconds went by in awkward silence before Anakin finally let out a deep sigh and dropped his hands, sitting down reluctantly as he stared at Padme, resting his elbows on his knees. “What do you want me to say Padme? That I’m sorry I walked out? That I’m sorry I’m siding with family?” He questioned harshly.

It hurt to see her flinch. “I just… you know you can talk with me Anakin, I’m your wife.” Padme pleaded softly, cupping her hands together on the desk while staring at them.

Pursing his lips, Anakin stared at her. “…What’s the Delegation of 2,000?” He questioned, narrowing his eyes when she practically jumped in her seat. “You don’t tell me everything either, considering how vital Obi-Wan’s secret was not only to his health but also his safety, you question why I would keep his?” He snorted.

They could both hear the word Anakin wasn’t saying.

Hypocrite.

Anakin looked away at the window, watching the glowing orange sunset of Coruscant, the sight of pollution on the lower edge of the sky, watching her from the corner of his eyes.

Neither said anything for long minutes, Anakin could feel Padme struggling in the Force, a mix of guilt and frustration echoing in her aura. “Not that it really matters.” He muttered bitterly.

Her head snapped up from staring at her hands, staring at him. “What? What do you mean Anakin? What doesn’t matter?” She whispered, her voice on the edge of fear.

Anakin snorted deeply, turning his head to look skeptically at her. “Padme, we married under fake names. You know damn well that in the eyes of the law, that makes our marriage invalid. We had a marriage ceremony for us, not for law. I can walk out of here with no one knowing… it will just be word against word.” He murmured.

She stared at him, pale and aghast. “You can’t be implying… Anakin, I’m your wife!” She stood up.

Peering up at her sadly, Anakin nodded. “You were my wife. I still love you. But sometimes love isn’t enough… you made me realize just how much you are making me lie, Obi-Wan has always been honest with me and yet I’m lying to him everyday since I married you.” He murmured.

“I’ve been lying too! For you!” Padme’s voice was rising.

Anakin swallowed harshly, pushing down his own anger. She was hurting, it was understandable. “And yet you don’t want me to keep secrets, you don’t seem to understand that some things are not for you, a partnership isn’t about owning each other.” And Force, the irony of Anakin saying those words weren’t lost on him.

But Anakin had learned from Obi-Wan, from the quiet way he rested his head on Anakin’s shoulder, the tired tears that transformed into gems and the feel of a warm blanket wrapping around his own shoulders from troopers caring for them.

Standing, watching the speechless woman in front of him, his heart feeling like it was bleeding, Anakin slowly shook his head. “Your first love is and has always been your people. I love you Padme, but I know who you’ll choose. We romantized each other… it’s time to stop before the price we pay becomes even greater than a few lies to those who love us.” He whispered.

Padme didn’t seem to know what to say, her eyes filling with tears and Anakin had to fight his own, blinking away the moisture as he bowed to the Senator.

Carefully, he turned and made his way to the door.

“Anakin…” She called to him, her voice broken and quiet.

Pausing at the door, his hand hovering over the opening pad, Anakin swallowed harshly. “…Goodbye Padme. I’ll always love you.” He whispered before stepping out, feeling like his soul was leaving him as he heard a soft sob from behind.

Yet he did not turn as he made his way out of the Naboo offices of the Rotunda.

«You’ve forfeited the rights to my heart.» Obi-Wan to lover of your choice

Posted on av swmoddy

He
hadn’t wanted to believe it when Quinlan had come, looking like a
beaten dog with his tail between his legs.

He
still hadn’t wanted to believe it when the other had pulled out
proof.

But
after that there was no other choice.

Obi-Wan
had no choice but to accept the truth that Anakin was cheating on him
with Padme Amidala.

Tightening
his arms around himself as he heard the door open behind him, Obi-Wan
remain at the window, staring out into the darkness of Coruscant,
taking in the line of skycars and the Rotunda far in the distance and
yet not taking it in at all.

“Man,
the traffic from Dex was killer, I am so sorry for being late
Obi-Wan!” The knight chattered, happily removing his boots and
dropping them to the side before hanging up his robe.

He
was still chattering, telling Obi-Wan how Dex sent his greetings, how
bad the traffic was, how Anakin was sure he wouldn’t get home
before the rain hit…

Obi-Wan
wanted to scream at him.

Scream
at this cheating, selfish asshole, who didn’t even notice that
something was wrong with how quiet Obi-Wan was, how he wasn’t
moving to greet Anakin or even turned to him.

But
finally Anakin seemed to get the message as Obi-Wan crossed his arms
over his chest, raising his head to blink at the other Jedi.
“Obi-Wan?” He puzzled, trying to peek at the other in the mirror
as he moved towards the redhead.

As
he did, he finally noticed how… bare the quarters looked.

Obi-Wan
lifted his head slowly, staring at the window where he was clearly
watching Anakin and
even in the window the blond could see the red puffiness of the
others eyes, tired lines below green eyes.
“Did
you really think I’d never learn what you were really doing?” He
whispered.

Anakin’s
heart
froze as a hesitant and befuddled smile crossed the blond’s lips.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about Obi-Wa-”

“Did
you really,” Obi-Wan cut in, his voice like a whip, sharp and
painful on bared skin. “Think that I would not find out about your
little affair?” He snapped out, still staring at Anakin in the
surface of the window.

Wincing
heavily, any denial died on Anakin’s lips as he got a glimpse of
Obi-Wan’s
expression.

What
could he really say?

Maybe
if he had spoken with both, things could have worked. Polyamory
was a thing.

But
Anakin hadn’t spoken to his two lovers.

Instead
he had gone behind both of their backs.

And
he was going to lose one.

Right
now.

Taking
a deep breath, Obi-Wan shook his head slowly. “…You’ve
forfeited the rights to my heart and I’ve renounced any claim you
have on it,” He said slowly and Anakin winced, desperately reaching
for the other man only for Obi-Wan to dance away out of his grasp
like smoke, finally
turning around to face Anakin.
“Do not think you have a claim on our bed for it’s my
bed
and not yours.” He stared the other down.

Obi-Wan’s
face was splotchy with red, eyes swollen and red rimmed, his lips
shredded by his teeth at some point and he looked like he would still
like to cry but just didn’t have the tears left for it.

“Obi-Wan
I-”

“No,”
Obi-Wan cut Anakin off again, raising his hand. “Just no Anakin.
I’ve already made arrangements. I’ve already moved.
I have quarters elsewhere in the temple now. This is yours,
everything that is mine I’ve taken with me.” Obi-Wan moved past
him, skirting around Anakin when the other made one last desperate
reach for him.

“Obi-Wan,
please, let’s talk about this!” Anakin pleaded, reaching out for
him hesitantly without closing the distance to prevent Obi-Wan from
jumping away again.

Pausing,
Obi-Wan let out a small noise, like a wounded dog before turning his
head. “And what can you really say that would make any of this
better Anakin? You cheated on me… just let me leave with what is
left of my dignity…” He whispered, staring Anakin down as the
blond wilted, his hand falling beside him. “That’s what I
thought.” Obi-Wan swallowed thickly before slipping out of the
quarters he had shared with Anakin Skywalker, tugging his hood up to
cover his face.

Just
for a few minutes, for a day at least, what had happened would remain
a secret before the gossip mill of the temple heard it.

For
just one day, Obi-Wan would have peace for his broken, discarded
heart.

MyglowingJedi Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan need to TALK. Just please, talk T_T

Posted on av swmoddy

In
the time he had been gone from his former master’s side, Obi-Wan
had grown so much and Qui-Gon felt something render in his chest even
as he felt pride because being a mentor became Obi-Wan well.

He
had grown under his own influence as he taught Anakin the ways of the
temple and the Force and it showed in the way he presented himself on
Qui-Gon’s couch, sitting calmly and quietly while sipping his tea
from the white mug.

And
it showed in the growth of his Force spirit, his aura stronger than
ever.

And
that growth
had nothing to do with Qui-Gon, was despite Qui-Gon and wasn’t that
the hardest hit of all, to know that away from him, Obi-Wan could
grow even more marvelous than ever?

It
hurt and he let his eyes drop to the blue ceramic mug in his hands,
sinking back in his armchair. “…Do
you hate me?” Qui-Gon whispered, thumbing at the rim of his mug.

When
he had invited Obi-Wan for tea, he hadn’t really thought about it
when
he issued his invite.

Had
fallen back into old habits, the memories of sharing tea with his
padawan, those soft, fond days of yesteryear…

But
it was
so awkward despite
how calm Obi-Wan was, especially since it was only the two as Anakin
had run of to meet up with some fellow padawans and so
Qui-Gon couldn’t help but ask the question that hurt his chest the
most to consider.

It
would be justified if Obi-Wan did hate him, though he knew that even
if the other did, he wouldn’t let it consume him as
it would many others.

Obi-Wan
knew how to deal with negative emotions after seeing not only Xanatos
Du Crion but also Bruck Chun and others who fell towards temptation.

The
silence dragged on and Qui-Gon closed his eyes, desperately wishing
he hadn’t asked that stupid question even if a part of him
desperately needed to know. “…It’s complicated.” Obi-Wan
finally answered.

Nodding
absently, Qui-Gon stared at the amber liquid of his tea then finally
summoned enough courage to look up at the other, meeting Obi-Wan’s
green gaze.

He
couldn’t hold it and instead dropped his eyes back to the tea
again, clenching his hands around the mug.

He
could feel Obi-Wan’s gaze on him though, as he struggled to find
something to say, something to make things… easier.

‘But
that’s not going to happen is it?’ He thought bitterly to
himself. ‘I fucked up. With a little help from the council, I
fucked up even further than Obi-Wan, the most forgiving person I have
ever encountered in this galaxy and one of the most compassionate
ones to exist and even he can’t quite forgive this screw up of
mine.’ He swallowed.

Though
if Qui-Gon was completely honest, it
was debatable if Obi-Wan had forgiven him for the start of their
padawanship.

To
be fair, a lot of it had certain green colored claws involved in it,
but Qui-Gon hadn’t needed to be so harsh or so reluctant.

If
he had just been honest…

‘But
I couldn’t even be that, could I? I
let my emotions consume me after Xanatos.’
Qui-Gon rubbed the rim some more before raising the mug to take a
sip, catching sight of Obi-Wan’s hands as he did, wrapped around
one of Obi-Wan’s favorite mugs as
the other sat back on the squishy old couch.

It
was an animal shaped one, silly, a bit childish and one of Obi-Wan’s
favorite mugs
as
the Lothwolf was cute.

As
his padawan, Obi-Wan had kept insisting that he had outgrown such
silly things, that he was no longer a child and Qui-Gon would laugh
and still serve tea and hot chocolate in it at times, smiling when
Obi-Wan pouted at him and then Qui-Gon would pretend to remove it,
shrugging as he lamented that he might as well give it to the creche.

And
Obi-Wan would lounge for him with a cry of denial on his lips,
wrapping his hands protectively around the cup and the content of it,
not spilling a drop from the Lothwolf formed cup with a goofy smile
and big black eyes.

And
Qui-Gon had kept it when Obi-Wan hadn’t removed it from their
quarters.

He
hadn’t had the heart to remove it, as with many other things in
their quarters.

Forcing
himself to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes again, Qui-Gon swallowed to get
moisture down his throat and hopefully prevent his voice from
rasping.“I
would understand if you couldn’t forgive me.” Qui-Gon smiled
shakily at his former padawan.

Glancing
at the man, Obi-Wan pursed his lips before sighing deeply. “That’s
just it, it’s not up to you what you deserve. Not after what you
did, you don’t get say when it comes to my emotions or to how I
cope or heal them.” He murmured quietly.

Swallowing,
Qui-Gon stared at the redhead. “…And… what have you come to
conclude?” He whispered, mortified to hear how his voice was
shaking and yet desperate to know still.

Sighing,
his breath leaving him in a harsh exhale, Obi-Wan shrugged. “I
don’t know, I haven’t come to the conclusion yet…” The knight
whispered.

Both
trailed off into silent melancholy, both confused, hurt and wondering
what the future would bring.

How about some Vader angst?

Posted on av swmoddy

Try
as he might, he can’t deny it forever.

Regardless
how deep he tries to bury it, Vader can not ever really forget that
he was once Anakin Skywalker.

And
Anakin Skywalker, regardless how weak he was, loved people with all
of his heart.

Maybe
that’s why he spares the child with bright copper hair and green
eyes, the large eyes and the fright twisting the Force of someone who
looks
so like him.

And
so Vader leaves a survivor.

Later,
when the Inquisitors dares to question him, he just impatiently
clicks his tongue and growls at them, shoving both of the impertinent
fools up against the durasteel wall with a wave of the Force, “If
no survivors exist, then the stories of what happens will not spread,
only rumors. The child however will spread the news of what I did.”
He had dropped them and stomped away after that, his robe flaring
like black wings around him, ignoring the whispering behind him and
the stench of fear in the Force.

Vader
had always been good at scaring people.

Sidious
had made good use
of his ability to frighten and cower people into submission.

But
not even Sidious can imagine the truth.

Because
Vader didn’t leave that child alive because of any grandiose plan.

No,
he left him alive because for one minute, for one long minute, he had
looked at that child and seen Obi-Wan.

Large
green eyes had been replaced with half squinted ones, the frightened
twist of the lips had been replaced with a wry grin and copper hair
groomed impeccably as easy quips passed lips framed with a copper
beard.

The
sight should have made him angry, it should have made him snap the
child’s neck.

And
yet all he had felt at that moment was a wealth of pity and fear.

And
he had wanted Obi-Wan back in that moment.

‘But
that will never happen, will it.’ Vader let the door of his cabin
close.

Slowly
he crossed the room, the sound of his boots on the durasteel as he
finally let go, his aching lungs taking in as deep a breath as he
could as Vader moved around the meditation pod to the back of it
where a chest was stashed.

It
was a pretty thing he guessed, if he could see anything other than
red through the lenses. He knew it was suppose to be durasteel silver
and black, with the reader pad on the top and an ornate design of the
Open Circle.

‘It’s
yellow and red, do you remember?’ A soft voice whispered suddenly
in the back of his mind and for once Vader didn’t snarl at it to
silence and the dragon in his chest didn’t interrupt.

A
gentle click of a lock when Vader pushed his glove covered mech hand
to the reader and the sliding of the Force on the internal, delicate
physical lock and it opened seamlessly to him as always to reveal
it’s contents.

A
silver and black lightsaber hilt, a copper length of braided hair with little colored bands and beads and
a brown robe carefully folded.

‘Obi-Wan.’

How
could a dead man haunt his mind so deeply?

Picking
up the robe, Vader studied it as he had done a thousand times before.

Thread
count and fabric, homespun and rough from Tatooine, spun
from bantha fur from Tatooine.

Tatooine,
where else would Vader never
look, where the ghost of Shmi Skywalker kept him at bay.

A
single moment of hesitation and then Vader unclipped his cape to fall
on the ground, replacing it with the robe though he did not slide his
hands through the sleeves, only rested them on his shoulders before
picking up the braid and opening his meditation pod, stepping in with
the braid and the robe.

The
only place he could breath without aid was in here, once the pod
closed as the air filled with misting bacta allowing him to remove
his helmet to breath
without assistance as his burned lungs ached and burned with pain any
other time except inside the meditation chamber as his burned face
and sensitive skin came into view with the removal of his helmet.

Settling
the braid in his lap for a moment, Vader reached up to unclamp his
helmet, taking a shuddering breath of the medicated air.

He
coughed, it hurt despite it all and he needed a moment to adjust to
the cooler air stinging down his lungs as the white of the pod hurt
his eyes.

But
he adapted, slowly, much slower than before he burned.

But
finally he could place the helmet aside and pick up the little copper
braid.

Despite
it all, despite everything, Obi-Wan was still part of his thoughts
even now. “Even now that you’re dead, you haunt my mind old man…”
Vader whispered through cracked lips, raising the braid to his lips.
“Even now you’re still with me somehow, you old fool…” He
sighed tiredly.

A
traitorous thought crossed his mind.

‘When
I die… maybe I can be with him again… one day. I’ll see you
again… master.’