grief

Posted on av swmoddy

It’s
one of those things that no one can’t seem to remember differently
of now, so many years later.

Mace
Windu has always been bald.

Yoda
has always been old.

Jocasta’s
robes has always been golden with her sternness being a part of the
Archive.

And
Qui-Gon Jinn has always been white haired with black tunics and
robes.

That’s
just how it’s always been.

But
for those who remember, there was a time when Qui-Gon Jinn’s robes
were beige and his hair was the mix of chestnut and silver and
his face was less lined with the wrinkles of age compared to smiling
wrinkles.

Age
has come early for Qui-Gon particular
kind of subhuman species.

And
beyond that, there was a time when Qui-Gon Jinn laughed easily.

Now
he only laughs far and few in between and only smiles faux that he
passes off as genuine to those is on mission for or
the genuine ones
for his padawan.

But
he’s smiling now, however faintly, as he watches his young padawan
duel a Maul holo program from the same fight that he had against the
creature. Oh Qui-Gon knows, it’s moves that Anakin can study but
you learn from that, you learn and many has gathered to watch as it’s
not often the Sith recording gets brought out.

Especially
not while the Jedi in question who conquered the Sith
is
there to watch.

Qui-Gon
can’t tell if it’s respect or a mix of worry that makes people
avoid the Maul records pulled from Naboo and the melting factory and
he’s not oblivious to the nervous looks sent his way not only from
padawans but also master’s as Anakin continues battling.

He
only stiffens when he takes note of the Chancellor in the crowd,
speaking with Mace while also watching Anakin.

That
man has an unhealthy interest in his padawan and
Qui-Gon did not like and would not accept him interfering with
Anakin’s training.

Swiftly
shifting from the rails, Qui-Gon made his way towards the Chancellor
and Mace, the crowd parting for him like the waves of an ocean.

Qui-Gon
had to admit, outside of Anakin, he had become brusque with people,
so this action was wise on their part.

And
when he got close enough to hear, he felt his blood boil. “I
believe,” He murmured loud enough for both Chancellor and Mace to
jump in surprise, both absorbed in their conversation and not paying
attention to the environment. Foolish, that’s how you died, that’s
how you lost someone. “That in the end, I
am Anakin’s master and guardian and I
do not see why I should leave my underage padawan alone with an
older man that neither of us are overly familiar with, regardless of
his position of power. Indeed I question the wisdom
of someone using said power seat to indeed ensure such a meeting.”
He stated, his voice low and snappish.

And
full of insinuations.

Aged
blue and silvery eyes clashed, a second of anger in those silver eyes
that had Qui-Gon pulling up in defense.

Oh,
Qui-Gon was quite aware that he was still an intimidating figure,
towering over many people, silver hair pulled back in a braid Anakin
had insisted on creating earlier and all decked out in black just
like his own former master.

In
front of him, many people become small and that included the
Chancellor.

“I
was simply offering my guidance to young Anakin, I’m sure you
understand Master Jinn.” The swarmy snake offered, a ‘benign’
smile on his lips.

Narrowing
his eyes in disgust, Qui-Gon drew his lips in a humorless smile.
“Then you find my guidance unsatisfactory? I can easily guide you
to the JYP office?” Qui-Gon raised his brow.

Behind
the Chancellor, Qui-Gon could barely see Mace dropping his face in
his hands.

A
strained smile appeared on the Chancellor’s face. “That will be…
unnecessary, I do not believe we will have to involve the Jedi
Youngling protection service… I apologize if I’ve overstepped my
bounds Master Jinn.”  He inclined his head ever so slightly.

Qui-Gon
stared at the man mutely for a moment before turning his back on him,
feeling the flash of rage in the Force and inwardly smiling to
himself at the lack of decorum the Chancellor just showed to every
gathered Jedi. Quite a few stepped away as they before had leaned in
to listen but Qui-Gon just settled a hand on the rail again and
peered over, smiling faintly once more as he watched Anakin go for
the kill.

‘That’s
right. In a battle against the Sith, don’t hesitate Anakin. Kill
the fear, kill the hesitation and survive, come back to me. A
plan never survives first contact with the enemy and therefore you
have to kill the fear in your heart of the enemy and the response to
your tactics.’
Qui-Gon sent his affection along their bond, quiet and calm so not to
disturb the teen.

Anakin
didn’t pause, finished the mou
kei despite what anyone thought about it.

Because
that was what Qui-Gon had taught him, to not hesitate when the Sith
were involved. Because Qui-Gon did not believe it was over.

It
was not over, there
are still Sith out there, only the apprentice died.

The
boy paused, panting, watching as Maul fell before turning excitedly
and looked up at Qui-Gon, blue eyes wide, hopeful only to for his
face to transform into a wide smile when Qui-Gon smiled softly down
at him in turn, pride
and
affection sent to his equally dark clothed padawan, though that is
more out of convince for the oil stains and fluids from working on
mech.

It
should have ended there, the
holo.

It
didn’t, someone
had calibrated it wrongly and he knew that wasn’t Anakin.

Qui-Gon
entire body froze when suddenly a much younger him ran past Anakin,
clearly
startling the blond.
“Obi-Wan!” The shout reverberated even up to the balcony as
Qui-Gon hand tightened on the rail with
his other finding a longer
than it should be length of braided and decorated hair curled around
his belt loop and
he could see Anakin freeze just as much as
Qui-Gon.

Anakin
had been the first to find the two Jedi so many years ago…

He
could feel others suddenly hold their breath as they realized too
what this was as Qui-Gon in holo form dropped to his knees and lifted
another person into view, Obi-Wan groaning in pain and flopping
powerlessly against Qui-Gon’s chest, the younger master staring
down in horror. “Force.” Qui-Gon of the past hissed, staring down
at where Obi-Wan was barely being kept together.

The
phantom smell of charred flesh rose in Qui-Gon’s nose, nausea as he
watched himself whisper reassurances and desperately tried to do
anything for his padawan, looking for help only to settle back when
he knew nothing would come, still trying to reassure Obi-Wan.

There
is nothing to be done, no one to save Obi-Wan and just a last request
of a song from a dying man as he weakly grasps Qui-Gon’s forearm
with a knowing smile on what was pale lips.

Just
the quiet song of an already grieving man until Obi-Wan’s hand
falters and Qui-Gon is alone.

There’s
a moment, quiet and full as the man in the holo tightens his grip on
what is obviously now a dead body.

And
then he screams.

Even
all these years after in a holo image, there is power in that scream
and Qui-Gon only watches with faint detachment as the holo distorts,
as his muted scream from the sound speakers echos into the temple for
the first time in years.

He
absently notes that Anakin has frozen at the control now,
having tried to shut the supposed training holo down but
Qui-Gon
doesn’t
take his eyes fully
off
the holo even as a light above them sparks and breaks with the power
of what should be a long forgotten scream, never played in the temple
before
as out of respect, the council had let Qui-Gon’s grief be his own.

And
then the holo collects itself as the quiet sounds of grief echos
instead, Qui-Gon pulling Obi-Wan’s body to him even tighter with
his face buried in blue hair that Qui-Gon still remembers the shade
of red on.

Still
remembers the copper shade mixed with blond from missions on sunny
planets, his sunshine.

Qui-Gon’s
sunshine, with a cocky, impish smile and a clever remark from one who
pretends to be so austere to everyone else, pretends tranquility.

A
hand finds his on the belt and Qui-Gon breaks from the sounds of his
own grief and his own memories to look down, finding Anakin staring
up at him with worry on his face, his small hand tight on Qui-Gon’s
before the boy shifts in front of him and reaches up, carefully
drying his own master’s tears.

A
rusty chuckle escaped Qui-Gon at that. “Thank you padawan, I
believe we have meditations now,” He murmured, smiling before
lifting his eyes on the Chancellor, finding Mace looking away. One of
many Jedi looking away from an old man’s grief in respect. Not the
Chancellor though. “If you still have concerns about my teachings
of Anakin, once more, you can go to the JYP as I stated.” Qui-Gon
stated as calmly as possible.

He
could see Anakin bristle a bit, felt his smaller hand tighten on
Qui-Gon’s as he turned to the Chancellor in outrage.

But
whatever words Anakin had for the Chancellor, he bit them in much to
Qui-Gon’s pride and instead leads his old master around the
Chancellor, his face the picture of outrage still as he does.

Qui-Gon
shifts his hand a bit, away from the braid and instead to wrap around
Anakin’s, letting the boy lead him away to their own quarters.

Posted on av swmoddy

(I had an idea and now you all get to read it heh)

Obi-Wan
hadn’t cried at Mr.
Qui-Gon’s
pyre, his hand steady
on Anakin’s shoulder to
provide comfort to the boy even
though he was clearly sad. Anakin knew the Jedi was sad because he
could feel it, feel it through the touch, feel the sting and the pain
and yet Obi-Wan still did not cry as
the flames consumed the other man.

Anakin
didn’t understand that, hadn’t the two been close, they
were teacher and student or that’s what Qui-Gon had said, right?

They
had given off that impression to start with until Coruscant at least
and he looked so sad and Anakin could feel the desolation inside of
the other, the loneliness despite the waste cremation room they were
in.

He
didn’t understand it until later.

Because,
hours after Obi-Wan had cut his hair and
braided a little stub, hours after the man had helped Anakin into
soft clothes for sleep and into bed,
hours after he should have been asleep really in the quarters he
shared with Obi-Wan on Naboo until
they left,
Anakin got up and peeked into the living room area of the large rooms
when
he heard soft noises,
seeing Obi-Wan sitting on the couch.

Large
wet trails ran down his cheeks as he sat with his head in his hands,
shoulders trembling.

But
as the tears dropped from Obi-Wan’s cheeks, they glowed, a tiny
pinprick of light before hitting the floor with a solid little thump.

Obi-Wan
was crying
but
he was crying
kyber
crystals.

The
little gems laid on the floors in mass in various colors, blue,
green, a few yellows and even two or three purple from what Anakin
could tell.

They
weren’t large but larger than tears generally were, a bit oval
shaped maybe but clearly kybers still and Anakin had learned from Mr.
Qui-Gon that

A
little hitched sob escaped Obi-Wan, his fingers desperately kneading
through his own short hair and Anakin could see the spot where the
others braid was suppose to be now that the hood was down.

The
braid was gone.

Anakin
was sure he had it earlier but during the funeral the hood had been
up and now it was down and the braid…

‘Did
he burn it with Mr. Qui-Gon?’ He wondered, hesitating while
nibbling nervously on his bottom lip.

Then
he squared his shoulders and
did as he had done for his mother when he caught her sadness.

He
walked out into the living quarters and wrapped his arms around the
others shoulders, holding on as Obi-Wan jerked his head up in
surprise, glittering tears on his face.

“A-Anakin,
what are yo-” The man hiccuped, hands fluttering around before
hesitantly wrapping around Anakin.

“You’re
sad,” Anakin answered, holding around the man’s neck while
standing on his toes a bit. “Sad people need hugs. That’s what I
did for my mother.” He answered with a soft, sad noise.

With
a little noise, Obi-Wan lifted Anakin up on his lap and tightened his
arms around him.

Rubbing
at Anakin’s back, Obi-Wan opened his mouth then closed it again,
swallowing heavily enough for the child to hear before he opened his
mouth again. “Thank you Anakin. I’m sorry you have to see me like
this.” He whispered shakily.

Blinking
at that, Anakin tightened his grip around Obi-Wan for
a moment before settling his hands in his own lap uncertainly.
“I don’t think you’re suppose to say you’re sorry when things
are like this.” He blinked again in confusion, he
didn’t quite understand Obi-Wan but that was okay, he didn’t
always understand his mother either even as he missed her.

A
wet, huffing laugh escaped the man before Obi-Wan buried his face in
Anakin’s small shoulder and pulled the boy in close.

As
he did, a small drop of tear fell and landed on Anakin’s hand and
as he watched, it changed on his hand.

It
grew slightly bigger and turned a brilliant shade of sapphire blue
and after a moment it resonated with warmth and light and with a soft
sniffle, Obi-Wan took it and gently pressed it into Anakin’s hand.
“Guess we already found your first lightsaber crystal huh.” He
stated with a melancholy smile.

Blinking
and then looking down into his palm, Anakin stared at the brilliant
colored gem before snuggling into the other and holding onto the
other with one hand around the man’s neck, feeling Obi-Wan tighten
his grasp as if he desperately needed the human contact.

‘…It’s
okay, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.’ Anakin thought with
childish loyalty as he stared at the gem in his hand in wonder.

When Anakin’s new to the Jedi Temple, it seems like there’s always Jedi masters and council members watching him, and he thinks they’re scrutinizing him and making sure he actually can be a Jedi. In reality, everybody’s checking in on Obi-Wan to make sure he is well and they’re checking in on Anakin too, but just to make sure he is healthy and adapting.

Posted on av swmoddy

As
a former slave, Anakin has been been observing his environment since
the day he was born, pretty much, or so it feels, checking who is
angry, who to dodge, who to be quiet around and who to intervene with
if his mother is getting too
close to.

So
it doesn’t take him long to notice how everyone is looking at him.

The
younger ones are easy to figure out, there are a lot of… well
Anakin would call them envious and petty kids honestly and after
asking Tru, he finds out that they’re jealous that Anakin who just
came to the temple has a master yet they still have to find one,
might be sent from the temple.

But
the adults…

Hunching
down, Anakin hurried into the quarters he shared with Obi-Wan,
finding the man with a pad in his lap as he sat curled up on the
couch.

He
instantly set it on the caff table however when Anakin entered and
held his arms open to the upset padawan, smiling meekly at him until
the blond was curled into him. “You alright Ani?” He questioned
quietly.

Nuzzling
into the man’s chest, Anakin nodded despite being obviously not
alright.

Obi-Wan
didn’t push however, just held him and that was what Anakin needed.

Someone
who actually wanted him around, who held him tightly and even started
to gently pet his hair after a moment, Obi-Wan’s heart a slow and
steady beat.

After
a few steady beats Obi-Wan spoke again. “Have you eaten?” He
questioned quietly.

Nodding
again, Anakin sniffled and discreetly tried wiping at his eyes with
his sleeve. “Yeah, Tru showed me one of the refectory
where they actually had some very Tatooine like food, I got to have
flatcakes and spiced tubers.” He got out in a thick tone that had
him wincing.

Obi-Wan
didn’t call him on it though and continued slowly petting the short
buzzed blond hair before gently teasing the braid behind his ear.

It
was gentle and warm and Anakin felt himself relaxing again. “That
sounds lovely. Be sure to thank Tru for showing you that refectory if
you haven’t already.” Obi-Wan murmured before asking about
Anakin’s lessons and homework.

Launching
into a happy description of his success in his language lessons since
they were learning rodian and since he already knew huttese, he could
see how rodian was very similar and he could understand quite a lot
of it already.

More
than most of his class!

And
he had done wonderful in mech lessons with Master Koth!

Before
he knew it, he was drowsing against Obi-Wan’s chest and felt
himself be gently picked up, rocking lightly with each of the
knight’s step as he moved to the padawan room. Half aware, he felt
Obi-Wan carefully remove his belt, tabards, outer tunic and leggings
before tucking the blankets around his sometimes too cold padawan.

Anakin
swore he could feel a tender hand pressing over his hair before he
fell properly asleep.

It
might have been minutes or hours later when he woke up again, hearing
the low murmur of voices.

Sleepily
slipping out of bed and approaching the still slightly open door,
Anakin peeked out of the crack Obi-Wan must have left in the door to
find both master Yaddle and Master Plo sitting in the recliners at
the caff table.

Obi-Wan
was sitting on the couch, his hands on his lap. “Masters, I’m
doing quite fine, I promise. Anakin is progressing well.” The
master said and Anakin frowned at the slightly on edge tone.

Obi-Wan
sounded… agitated? Somber maybe?

From
his angle, Anakin could see the two aliens exchange looks before
Yaddle sighed and leaned forward in the recliner. “Sleeping
out here you have?” Yaddle asked quietly and even from this angle
Anakin could see Obi-Wan flinch ever so slightly.

“…You
caught me in it, I think it’s pretty obvious… Anakin is lonely
sometimes.” Obi-Wan threw out but it sounded… desperate.

The
kel dor sighed quietly and rose from his chair, moving to sit down
beside Obi-Wan instead. “It was his room and you can’t bring
yourself to clean it out yet can you,” He murmured sadly, watching
Obi-Wan’s trembling form. “…You are allowed to mourn Qui-Gon,
you know this right Obi-Wan?” The man murmured somberly.

This
time Obi-Wan flinched outright and Anakin felt more awake than
before, staring at the redhead as he turned his head enough for
Anakin to see the heartbroken expression on his face.

“Miss
him you do,” Yaddle sighed tiredly. “Allowed you are, know in the
Force he is but his laugh you do not hear. His voice no longer speaks
to you… miss
that you can.” She pointed out.

“…Is
that why you’re all keeping an eye on me?” Obi-Wan’s voice came
out bitterly and he looked visibly disturbed to hear it, dropping his
face into his hands. “Apologies master, that was unbecom-”
The knight’s breath hitched when Plo placed his clawed hand on the
human’s back.

“Obi-Wan…
mourn
him, he was your master, you are allowed to mourn him, to miss his voice and his guiding hand.” Plo stated
heavily.

As
Yaddle got up and moved to sit beside Obi-Wan’s other side, the
redhead’s shoulders shook as Anakin backed away.

So…
maybe the adult’s had another reason to keep watch.

QuiObi with dead Obi-Wan?

Posted on av swmoddy

They’ve
only just stepped off the ship when an unsettling feeling shivers
down Qui-Gon’s spine, his aching hand clenching on his bag strap as
he glances at his equally tired teenage padawan, Anakin dragging his
feet as he follows beside Qui-Gon.

He
tries to shake it.

Post
mission stress, it was a hard one, especially on Anakin as they
encountered a child smuggling slavery ring and its strained them
both.

They
are both in requirement of sleep, of
showers or outright baths. They
both need food and Force Qui-Gon needs to cuddle with Obi-Wan because
honestly this mission has been crap.

The
thought makes him pause, headache throbbing at his temple that seems
to be growing.

The
shiver comes back even stronger and Anakin looks up at him, blinking
in confusion and opening his mouth only to be cut off as a female
voice calls for Qui-Gon.

Turning,
Qui-Gon blinked as he saw Knight Bant, one of Obi-Wan’s knight
friends.

The
shiver was full blast back, fear curdling in his stomach as she raced
over to him with glossy eyes, the sign of tears on a mon calamari.
“Master Qui-Gon!” She paused in front of her, slightly out of
breath as she tried to gather it. Then she hesitated, staring up at
him with large eyes for several long minutes, seemingly floundering
for words.

The
sour curdling was making it hard for him to breath, this situation
was too…

“…Bant?”
He whispered shakily.

Her
face fell, her double eyelids blinking as she looked between the two
before she let out a shuddering breath and pulled the world out from
under Qui-Gon and Anakin. “I’m so sorry Master Qui-Gon, but
Obi-Wan’s mission… it went wrong… Obi-Wan is dead.” She
whispered out, big
fat tears appearing in her large eyes.

Qui-Gon
stared at her, hearing Anakin snap out denials at her but… that
headache, that headache that had been plaguing him for days that he
couldn’t quite figure out but brushed aside as exhaustion and lack
of fluids.

Slowly
Qui-Gon shifted his shields to reach for the pairbond between himself
and Obi-Wan.

Emptiness.

He
didn’t notice himself fall, didn’t feel himself hit his already
tender knees on the temple hanger floor, didn’t hear either Bant or
Anakin cry out in alarm.

All
he could focus on… was the emptiness where Obi-Wan was suppose to
be, where he had been for the last four years since they initiated
the heart pairbond when Obi-Wan was thirty one and a fully fledged
knight well away from any influence Qui-Gon could have had on him so
no one could accuse them of indecency or Qui-Gon abusing the powers
he once had over Obi-Wan as his master.

Empty.

()()()

There
is no body.

The
other knights on the same mission couldn’t retrieve the body.

The
two warring factions had unleashed an avalanche and while trying to
evacuate civilians Obi-Wan had been swept away.

So
they burn no body but hold a memorial yet as Qui-Gon leans heavily on
Anakin’s shoulder.

The
sixteen year old has been mute since they were told but has tuck to
Qui-Gon’s side like a bur, offering his silent and continued
support and Qui-Gon can not really say anything as he has not said
anything either.

They’ll
be pulled from active missions for months, Qui-Gon knows this but it
is a numb feeling of knowing.

It
is standard practice however with bonded pair.

As
Obi-Wan’s former master and his heart bonded, his husband,
Qui-Gon should give his own speech but he can’t. It is too much for
his heart in this moment to stand and speak about Obi-Wan when the
pain spreads from his heart to every part of him and Qui-Gon knows
that the council is watching him, the mind healers are watching him,
Anakin
is watching him but he can not bring himself to care.

For
Obi-Wan is not watching him.

Slowly
raising the hand not on Anakin’s shoulder, Qui-Gon fisted it in his
tunic above his heart.

Empty.

It
does not occur to anyone that Obi-Wan gets found after the avalanche.

It
does not occur to anyone that Obi-Wan gets settled in a wooden box as
is the traditions of the planet.

And
for four years… Obi-Wan lays dead in his wooden coffin.

QuiObi with dead Obi-Wan?

Posted on av swmoddy

They’ve
only just stepped off the ship when an unsettling feeling shivers
down Qui-Gon’s spine, his aching hand clenching on his bag strap as
he glances at his equally tired teenage padawan, Anakin dragging his
feet as he follows beside Qui-Gon.

He
tries to shake it.

Post
mission stress, it was a hard one, especially on Anakin as they
encountered a child smuggling slavery ring and its strained them
both.

They
are both in requirement of sleep, of
showers or outright baths. They
both need food and Force Qui-Gon needs to cuddle with Obi-Wan because
honestly this mission has been crap.

The
thought makes him pause, headache throbbing at his temple that seems
to be growing.

The
shiver comes back even stronger and Anakin looks up at him, blinking
in confusion and opening his mouth only to be cut off as a female
voice calls for Qui-Gon.

Turning,
Qui-Gon blinked as he saw Knight Bant, one of Obi-Wan’s knight
friends.

The
shiver was full blast back, fear curdling in his stomach as she raced
over to him with glossy eyes, the sign of tears on a mon calamari.
“Master Qui-Gon!” She paused in front of her, slightly out of
breath as she tried to gather it. Then she hesitated, staring up at
him with large eyes for several long minutes, seemingly floundering
for words.

The
sour curdling was making it hard for him to breath, this situation
was too…

“…Bant?”
He whispered shakily.

Her
face fell, her double eyelids blinking as she looked between the two
before she let out a shuddering breath and pulled the world out from
under Qui-Gon and Anakin. “I’m so sorry Master Qui-Gon, but
Obi-Wan’s mission… it went wrong… Obi-Wan is dead.” She
whispered out, big
fat tears appearing in her large eyes.

Qui-Gon
stared at her, hearing Anakin snap out denials at her but… that
headache, that headache that had been plaguing him for days that he
couldn’t quite figure out but brushed aside as exhaustion and lack
of fluids.

Slowly
Qui-Gon shifted his shields to reach for the pairbond between himself
and Obi-Wan.

Emptiness.

He
didn’t notice himself fall, didn’t feel himself hit his already
tender knees on the temple hanger floor, didn’t hear either Bant or
Anakin cry out in alarm.

All
he could focus on… was the emptiness where Obi-Wan was suppose to
be, where he had been for the last four years since they initiated
the heart pairbond when Obi-Wan was thirty one and a fully fledged
knight well away from any influence Qui-Gon could have had on him so
no one could accuse them of indecency or Qui-Gon abusing the powers
he once had over Obi-Wan as his master.

Empty.

()()()

There
is no body.

The
other knights on the same mission couldn’t retrieve the body.

The
two warring factions had unleashed an avalanche and while trying to
evacuate civilians Obi-Wan had been swept away.

So
they burn no body but hold a memorial yet as Qui-Gon leans heavily on
Anakin’s shoulder.

The
sixteen year old has been mute since they were told but has tuck to
Qui-Gon’s side like a bur, offering his silent and continued
support and Qui-Gon can not really say anything as he has not said
anything either.

They’ll
be pulled from active missions for months, Qui-Gon knows this but it
is a numb feeling of knowing.

It
is standard practice however with bonded pair.

As
Obi-Wan’s former master and his heart bonded, his husband,
Qui-Gon should give his own speech but he can’t. It is too much for
his heart in this moment to stand and speak about Obi-Wan when the
pain spreads from his heart to every part of him and Qui-Gon knows
that the council is watching him, the mind healers are watching him,
Anakin
is watching him but he can not bring himself to care.

For
Obi-Wan is not watching him.

Slowly
raising the hand not on Anakin’s shoulder, Qui-Gon fisted it in his
tunic above his heart.

Empty.

It
does not occur to anyone that Obi-Wan gets found after the avalanche.

It
does not occur to anyone that Obi-Wan gets settled in a wooden box as
is the traditions of the planet.

And
for four years… Obi-Wan lays dead in his wooden coffin.

I am in love with your ADHD Obi wan kenobi story, but he seems to be a bit mild when it comes to his reactions. Like with his situation with the boots I would have kept the old care with me and also held the new pia because I didn’t want to get rid of the old pair. Part 1

Posted on av swmoddy

For your ADHD!obi, could you do a scene where obiwan has a complete
breakdown. Like i have adhd and when things get really bad my brain goes
into a doward spiral, my hands go over my ears, i curl up in a ball,
and i talk to myself telling my brain to shut up repeatedly. It takes
somebody walking me through my problem and helping me figure out where
to go and what to do to stop it. Thxs you. Part 2
        

Pulling his old boots out of the
closet, Obi-Wan sighed deeply. “Look Anakin, I didn’t keep it
from you because I weren’t going to tell you at all. I kept it from
you because the lines weren’t secure and you would have spent your
time fretting about me when you were suppose to keep yourself, Ahsoka
and your men safe.” Obi-Wan explained quietly.

Picking up the red pair of ruined boots
and knowing better than to ask why Obi-Wan still had them, Anakin
frowned at him.

Ahsoka however…

“Why do you still have those boots
Master Obi-Wan, shouldn’t you just have thrown them out?” She
blinked, peering at the red leather in her master’s hands.

Obi-Wan colored a bit, mumbling
something before sticking his head back into the closet to continue
cleaning pulling out his robes so he knew if he had to order more
from the quartermaster and therefor missed Anakin shaking his head
quickly while giving Ahsoka a sever glare.

She backed off on that and bit her
lips.

“Hey you know, a new cafe opened in
the blue bell district,” Obi-Wan suddenly chimed up, seemingly
delighted as he pulled out with an armful of robes. “Might be nice
to go to it. It supposedly has the best of tea still and has managed
to get in ghost apples for pies.” He beamed before turning back to
the closet.

Ahsoka blinked before looking up at
Anakin. “Is this… an ADHD thing? Jumping from subjects.”

Shrugging with a small smile, Anakin
set the ruined red leather boots to the side as he knew Obi-Wan
wasn’t ready to throw them away yet. “Sometimes. Obi-Wan manages
to focus his mind when in the field but he’s safe here and he can
let his thoughts spaz out though he becomes hyper focused at times
too when its subjects he cares for or obsesses abou-Obi-Wan?”
Anakin attention snapped back to his boyfriend, finding the redhead
standing there staring into the closet.

No response outside of a small tremble
as he continued staring, his arms full of robes.

“Obi-Wan, what’s wrong?” Anakin
murmured, taking a step closer while hovering his hand uncertainly
over the others shoulder.

Sometimes touching the other was
required to help him calm down but a lot of times that was the last
thing Obi-Wan needed when he was lost with his own thoughts as he was
in that moment clearly.

Glancing into the closet it took Anakin
a shameful long time to see what could have upset the other.

One large robe in a dark color.

Nothing really visually strange or
unique about it as many Jedi wore the same kind.

And yet Anakin knew exactly who owned
it and why it had frozen Obi-Wan.

Because it was Qui-Gon’s robe, the
last one he had worn to Naboo that Obi-Wan had been unable to give up
even when the other had been given over to the pyre, the last robe
Qui-Gon had ever used that Obi-Wan had clung to as if it was his only
life line.

“Obi-Wan…” He murmured sadly.

Obi-Wan let out a soft, hiccuping
breath before dropping all the robes to the floor, his hands going up
to cover his eyes and then his ears, his eyes clenched shut. “No…
no… I did what I could… I can’t…” He whimpered.

Reaching out and throwing caution to
the wind, Anakin dragged the older man to his chest and cupped the
back of his head, rocking him as he supported the others weight. “Its
okay, its okay. Easy Obi-Wan, you did what you could…” He
murmured while walking backward towards the couch, pulling Obi-Wan
with him.

As he did, he gestured for Ahsoka to
close the closet door which she quickly did even though she was
clearly confused. And then she left, Anakin grateful he didn’t have
to ask her for privacy as he sat down with Obi-Wan coiling up on his
lap.

The redhead whimpered loudly into
Anakin’s chest and pressed his hands tightly to his ears as he
shook his head. “Master… I’m sorry… I tried, I promise I
tried…” He sobbed.

Pressing his cheek to the top of
Obi-Wan’s hair, Anakin rubbed his back and rocked him slowly. “You
did, you tried Obi-Wan. You did your best.” He whispered, heart
aching as Obi-Wan went through his breakdown, triggered by an old
cloak.

I am in love with your ADHD Obi wan kenobi story, but he seems to be a bit mild when it comes to his reactions. Like with his situation with the boots I would have kept the old care with me and also held the new pia because I didn’t want to get rid of the old pair. Part 1

Posted on av swmoddy

For your ADHD!obi, could you do a scene where obiwan has a complete
breakdown. Like i have adhd and when things get really bad my brain goes
into a doward spiral, my hands go over my ears, i curl up in a ball,
and i talk to myself telling my brain to shut up repeatedly. It takes
somebody walking me through my problem and helping me figure out where
to go and what to do to stop it. Thxs you. Part 2
        

Pulling his old boots out of the
closet, Obi-Wan sighed deeply. “Look Anakin, I didn’t keep it
from you because I weren’t going to tell you at all. I kept it from
you because the lines weren’t secure and you would have spent your
time fretting about me when you were suppose to keep yourself, Ahsoka
and your men safe.” Obi-Wan explained quietly.

Picking up the red pair of ruined boots
and knowing better than to ask why Obi-Wan still had them, Anakin
frowned at him.

Ahsoka however…

“Why do you still have those boots
Master Obi-Wan, shouldn’t you just have thrown them out?” She
blinked, peering at the red leather in her master’s hands.

Obi-Wan colored a bit, mumbling
something before sticking his head back into the closet to continue
cleaning pulling out his robes so he knew if he had to order more
from the quartermaster and therefor missed Anakin shaking his head
quickly while giving Ahsoka a sever glare.

She backed off on that and bit her
lips.

“Hey you know, a new cafe opened in
the blue bell district,” Obi-Wan suddenly chimed up, seemingly
delighted as he pulled out with an armful of robes. “Might be nice
to go to it. It supposedly has the best of tea still and has managed
to get in ghost apples for pies.” He beamed before turning back to
the closet.

Ahsoka blinked before looking up at
Anakin. “Is this… an ADHD thing? Jumping from subjects.”

Shrugging with a small smile, Anakin
set the ruined red leather boots to the side as he knew Obi-Wan
wasn’t ready to throw them away yet. “Sometimes. Obi-Wan manages
to focus his mind when in the field but he’s safe here and he can
let his thoughts spaz out though he becomes hyper focused at times
too when its subjects he cares for or obsesses abou-Obi-Wan?”
Anakin attention snapped back to his boyfriend, finding the redhead
standing there staring into the closet.

No response outside of a small tremble
as he continued staring, his arms full of robes.

“Obi-Wan, what’s wrong?” Anakin
murmured, taking a step closer while hovering his hand uncertainly
over the others shoulder.

Sometimes touching the other was
required to help him calm down but a lot of times that was the last
thing Obi-Wan needed when he was lost with his own thoughts as he was
in that moment clearly.

Glancing into the closet it took Anakin
a shameful long time to see what could have upset the other.

One large robe in a dark color.

Nothing really visually strange or
unique about it as many Jedi wore the same kind.

And yet Anakin knew exactly who owned
it and why it had frozen Obi-Wan.

Because it was Qui-Gon’s robe, the
last one he had worn to Naboo that Obi-Wan had been unable to give up
even when the other had been given over to the pyre, the last robe
Qui-Gon had ever used that Obi-Wan had clung to as if it was his only
life line.

“Obi-Wan…” He murmured sadly.

Obi-Wan let out a soft, hiccuping
breath before dropping all the robes to the floor, his hands going up
to cover his eyes and then his ears, his eyes clenched shut. “No…
no… I did what I could… I can’t…” He whimpered.

Reaching out and throwing caution to
the wind, Anakin dragged the older man to his chest and cupped the
back of his head, rocking him as he supported the others weight. “Its
okay, its okay. Easy Obi-Wan, you did what you could…” He
murmured while walking backward towards the couch, pulling Obi-Wan
with him.

As he did, he gestured for Ahsoka to
close the closet door which she quickly did even though she was
clearly confused. And then she left, Anakin grateful he didn’t have
to ask her for privacy as he sat down with Obi-Wan coiling up on his
lap.

The redhead whimpered loudly into
Anakin’s chest and pressed his hands tightly to his ears as he
shook his head. “Master… I’m sorry… I tried, I promise I
tried…” He sobbed.

Pressing his cheek to the top of
Obi-Wan’s hair, Anakin rubbed his back and rocked him slowly. “You
did, you tried Obi-Wan. You did your best.” He whispered, heart
aching as Obi-Wan went through his breakdown, triggered by an old
cloak.

I miss Padawan of Dooku. We never saw what happened with Xanatos, did he go after Obi Wan again? I bet Dooku went full on papa bear on him if that’s the case

Posted on av swmoddy

Hands clinging
tightly to the cup in his grip, Obi-Wan stared into the blue liquid
for a long moment as steam rose from it. “…This isn’t tea.”
He whispered.

“Its milk.” Yan
agreed. “With some Devaron honey from the temple of Eedit.” He
watched Obi-Wan still mutely stare into the cup for a long moment.
“Drink Obi-Wan.” He implored. “Qui-Gon would not want
you to starve yourself.” Yan went for dirty tactics but he knew
that invoking Obi-Wan’s linage brothers name would work.

Obi-Wan spasmed at
the name but slowly lifted the cup to his lips and took a small sip,
letting the almost nauseatingly sweet liquid glide over his tongue
and down his throat. He shivered a bit but warmth bloomed inside from
the honey. “…You gave me this when Du Crion tried to kill me that
last time.” He mused quietly into the cup.

Yan nodded, raising
a hand slowly to rest on the others back. “He should never have
tried for you again. I made my position in regards to you very clear
to him.” Yan noted quietly and a bit fiercely. “Not my fault that
he ignored the warnings. I just dealt with the situation and put him
in his place, six feet under.” Yan said with grim satisfaction.

A weak laugh
escaped Obi-Wan’s lips, barely a puff of air before his face
twisted into a grimace, dropping the cup to the expensive carpet of
Yan’s quarters as he dropped his face into his hands instead, a sob
escaping him.

Swallowing thickly,
Yan curled his arm around the others shoulders to pull Obi-Wan into
him, let him hide as he had when the redhead had been just a teen.
“That’s it, just let it out Obi-Wan. Just let it out.” He
whispered.

“It wasn’t
wasn’t suppose to be like this!” Obi-Wan cried into his chest,
hands fisting the expensive material of Yan’s dark tunic. “He
wasn’t suppose to run ahead!” Obi-Wan hiccuped hard.

“Sometimes you
can’t control how some people think Obi-Wan.” Yan crooned
quietly, cupping Obi-Wan more tightly to him.

“But Qui-Gon-”
Obi-Wan choked on his words.

“Qui-Gone is
gone.” Yan returned heavily, feeling the other shake in his arms
and against his chest. “But you are still here.” He settled his
nose into the others hair and rubbed along the others spine slowly.
“And its hard, its terrible and it hurts and whatever Yoda says you
shall ignore because grief is natural to the human process of being
alive and so is pain. Because we loved Qui-Gon… and now we have to
feel the loss of a person we both cared for.” Yan swallowed.

Obi-Wan’s tears
soaked into the dark fabric as he spasmed and coughed hard before he
just let Yan carry his weight. “I miss him.” He confessed.

“And so too do I
Obi-Wan.” Yan confessed heavily before he shifted so he could tilt
Obi-Wan’s head up, pressing their forehead’s together. “But we
still have each other. You and I are still here and as long as we
remember him, he’s never truly gone.” Yan whispered.

Obi-Wan stared at
him with red rimmed eyes and a runny noise, once more looking
thirteen to Yan and in need of shelter.

Unable to resist,
he brought the other back to his chest, hug tight. “We’re still
here.” He whispered, letting the other sob against his chest.
“Still here, we don’t have to say goodbye just yet child.” Yan
and Obi-Wan clung to each other, taking comfort in the beating hearts
of each other.

I miss Padawan of Dooku. We never saw what happened with Xanatos, did he go after Obi Wan again? I bet Dooku went full on papa bear on him if that’s the case

Posted on av swmoddy

Hands clinging
tightly to the cup in his grip, Obi-Wan stared into the blue liquid
for a long moment as steam rose from it. “…This isn’t tea.”
He whispered.

“Its milk.” Yan
agreed. “With some Devaron honey from the temple of Eedit.” He
watched Obi-Wan still mutely stare into the cup for a long moment.
“Drink Obi-Wan.” He implored. “Qui-Gon would not want
you to starve yourself.” Yan went for dirty tactics but he knew
that invoking Obi-Wan’s linage brothers name would work.

Obi-Wan spasmed at
the name but slowly lifted the cup to his lips and took a small sip,
letting the almost nauseatingly sweet liquid glide over his tongue
and down his throat. He shivered a bit but warmth bloomed inside from
the honey. “…You gave me this when Du Crion tried to kill me that
last time.” He mused quietly into the cup.

Yan nodded, raising
a hand slowly to rest on the others back. “He should never have
tried for you again. I made my position in regards to you very clear
to him.” Yan noted quietly and a bit fiercely. “Not my fault that
he ignored the warnings. I just dealt with the situation and put him
in his place, six feet under.” Yan said with grim satisfaction.

A weak laugh
escaped Obi-Wan’s lips, barely a puff of air before his face
twisted into a grimace, dropping the cup to the expensive carpet of
Yan’s quarters as he dropped his face into his hands instead, a sob
escaping him.

Swallowing thickly,
Yan curled his arm around the others shoulders to pull Obi-Wan into
him, let him hide as he had when the redhead had been just a teen.
“That’s it, just let it out Obi-Wan. Just let it out.” He
whispered.

“It wasn’t
wasn’t suppose to be like this!” Obi-Wan cried into his chest,
hands fisting the expensive material of Yan’s dark tunic. “He
wasn’t suppose to run ahead!” Obi-Wan hiccuped hard.

“Sometimes you
can’t control how some people think Obi-Wan.” Yan crooned
quietly, cupping Obi-Wan more tightly to him.

“But Qui-Gon-”
Obi-Wan choked on his words.

“Qui-Gone is
gone.” Yan returned heavily, feeling the other shake in his arms
and against his chest. “But you are still here.” He settled his
nose into the others hair and rubbed along the others spine slowly.
“And its hard, its terrible and it hurts and whatever Yoda says you
shall ignore because grief is natural to the human process of being
alive and so is pain. Because we loved Qui-Gon… and now we have to
feel the loss of a person we both cared for.” Yan swallowed.

Obi-Wan’s tears
soaked into the dark fabric as he spasmed and coughed hard before he
just let Yan carry his weight. “I miss him.” He confessed.

“And so too do I
Obi-Wan.” Yan confessed heavily before he shifted so he could tilt
Obi-Wan’s head up, pressing their forehead’s together. “But we
still have each other. You and I are still here and as long as we
remember him, he’s never truly gone.” Yan whispered.

Obi-Wan stared at
him with red rimmed eyes and a runny noise, once more looking
thirteen to Yan and in need of shelter.

Unable to resist,
he brought the other back to his chest, hug tight. “We’re still
here.” He whispered, letting the other sob against his chest.
“Still here, we don’t have to say goodbye just yet child.” Yan
and Obi-Wan clung to each other, taking comfort in the beating hearts
of each other.

Can I please ask for some more #someonecares????? I adore Dooku taking care of Obi-Wan and Anakin like a grandfather should. Could I maybe get some hurt/comfort though with Obi-Wan waking up in the halls after the previous chapter and in his delirium asks for Qui-Gon before realizing that Qui-Gon is still dead. He breaks down sobbing and shaking before Dooku comforts him like the good fatherly figure he is?

Posted on av swmoddy

Sterile and familiar with a rubbery sensation on his skin, that’s
the first thought that occurs to him as he stares up at the ceiling
above him, feeling a faint ache running along his spine that doesn’t
quite make sense because Obi-Wan can not remember what he did to
deserve it.

His hands are carefully tucked underneath the covers, keeping him
warm and comfortable even if his spine aches.

But then again, Qui-Gon always assured to tuck him in carefully when
he got hurt on missions and he ended up in the Halls.

Which was where he was at the current moment as he continued slowly
blinking at the ceiling and breathing in the air.

There was a little shift, the sound of a chair being pushed back and
Obi-Wan let out a small noise, tilting his head towards it to greet
Qui-Gon with a drowsy smile on his face. “Master Qui-Gon.” He
happily offered up.

Only to blink in confusion when he stared at Yan Dooku, the man
frozen halfway out of his chair as he stared at Obi-Wan.

The two stared at each other before Obi-Wan’s breath hitched hard,
the weight of the galaxy hitting him like a wookie fist to the
stomach as the memories returned in a flood.

Qui-Gon was no more.

It was not Qui-Gon who had tucked him in.

Obi-Wan had no master anymore because Qui-Gon was dead.

Dead and buried and Obi-Wan was a knight with a padawan.

His breath came harder and harder before he lifted his hands to his
face, a small sob escaping him until a pair of warm hands wrapped
around him and pulled him up, pressing Obi-Wan into a warm shoulder,
the owner of it smelling of incense and tea instead of gardens and
tea.

“Its alright Obi-Wan, its alright to grieve, no one’s going to
blame you if you grieve.”

Barriers down, injured, still on a low level state of painkillers and
aching as he was, Obi-Wan gave in and wailed into Yan shoulder,
wrapping his arms tightly around the other while clenching his hands
into the dark fabric.

As he let go of his tears, sobbing, he felt himself being gently
rocked, Yan’s broad hand cupping the back of Obi-Wan’s neck and
head, stroking slowly.

He had no idea how long he had cried when it finally ended.

He only knew that he was tucked into Yan’s warm body, the other man
holding him just like Qui-Gon would and he had a numb moment of
wondering if that was where Qui-Gon had learned how to comfort
someone.

Head throbbing, he let Yan carefully push his head back, the older
man carefully wiping his tears with a silky handkerchief before Yan
tucked him back against his shoulder, stroking Obi-Wan’s nape
gently with warm fingertips.

“…Anakin?” He rasped out.

“In class. I’ve taken care of him while you were here. He has not
been alone I assure you.” Yan rumbled quietly while stroking
gently, offering comfort. “He has suffered no discomfort except for
worrying about you I promise.”

Obi-Wan gave a tired nod at that, head muted as he reached out to his
training bond with Anakin, smiling meekly into the shoulder when
Anakin instantly reached back with delight and relief. “…Thank
you.” He whispered gratefully.

“Someone has to be there for you two. It may as well be me.” Yan
chuckled faintly.