Frankly,
Obi-Wan was no longer surprised when Maul and Savage ambushed them,
at this point it was almost becoming routine, if dangerous routine.

That
still didn’t prepare him for what was coming out of Maul’s awful
mouth.

“Do
your precious Jedi even know?
Does your precious padawan?” Maul hissed, loudly enough to attract
attention from others as Obi-Wan and he remained saber locked.

Obi-Wan
narrowed his eyes a bit in confusion, resisting the urge to try and
pull Maul’s legs out from under him. “Former padawan.” He
drawled out, trying to keep the upper hand while checking his own
impulses.

It
wouldn’t work so well, half metal as he was.

Maul
chuckled darkly before jumping away, shifting, prowling, yellowing
eyes locked on Obi-Wan but flickering ever so slightly in Anakin’s
direction as the man was trying to deal with Savage.

It
was basically the immovable object meet the unstoppable force, quite
the entertaining show Obi-Wan was sure.

If
he could pay attention that way.

Though
why Savage wasn’t just bowling them over like last time…

“Do
they know what kind of hypocrite you are?” Maul hissed, his
sibilant tones echoing
a bit through the hallway. “Do
they know that when you tried to kill me you touched darkness?”
He sneered at Obi-Wan.

Tensing,
Obi-Wan could feel the stunned shock from behind him, could feel
Anakin mental shout through their bond but Maul was there, in front
of them. Savage was there, they couldn’t deal with this now.

Obi-Wan
jumped Maul’s attempt to sweep his legs out then bore down on the
man with his saber before twirling to the side and following with a
parry when Maul tried to swing at him.

“Do
they know,” Maul continued, snarling, a note of breathlessness in
his voice. “How you screamed as I gutted
your master? How you cried out before snarling back at me? How you
came at me with all the violent emotions of someone looking for
revenge?”

Something
inside Obi-Wan shuttered, the memories of his master on the ground,
the pain in the Force, the nauseating smell of burning flesh and his
own heart rendering cry of pain.

No,
no one had known what Obi-Wan had done.

He
had feared that if the council had known about those seconds of
weakness, of Obi-Wan allowing the dark to take a foothold in his soul
and being, that they would have further cause to really deny him the
chance to train Anakin.

To
fulfill his promise to Qui-Gon.

And
so, despite them watching the recordings from Naboo, he had not
mentioned what he had done in the beginning before defeating Maul and
they could not sense it through the recording.

Couldn’t.

Anakin
had priority and any stain on his soul and being…

Well,
Obi-Wan would carry it.

He
would shield it well and purge it with time.

But
he never told a single living soul about it.

Not
even Anakin.

()()()

Sitting
down heavily in the co-pilot seat, Obi-Wan stared blankly at the
viewport.

Beside
him, piloting the ship, he could sense Anakin, the only sounds being
the engines of the shuttle they had ‘borrowed’ to make their
escape. Considering they were both black and blue from Savage, it had
been the best idea to make a retreat with those odds.

Savage
was a bantha in a glass shop and
they were the glass unfortunately, bruised and aching but still
together on this ship.

But
it was so silent.

Sighing
deeply, Obi-Wan turned his head to look at Anakin, watching him for a
few long moments. The other was wound tight like a rubber ball, as if
any second a rubber band would snap and leave sores on a child’s
hand and Obi-Wan knew the other must be thinking about what Maul had
said.

“…When
Qui-Gon died,” He murmured, seeing Anakin’s hands go tense and
his body still. “I shattered, I was angry at him, he had dismissed
me in front of the council, all for a shiny new padawan and
regardless how much I care for you Anakin, all I could see back then
was the fact that I wasn’t enough and
then Maul dared to take him away from me, it turned all that anger
into guilt and fear and pain.”
Obi-Wan stated quietly, calmly.

Slowly,
the other Jedi looked towards him, a frown on his face before
hesitating.

A
weak smile crossed Obi-Wan’s lips. Talking about Qui-Gon still
hurt, especially to talk about his death. “Ask Anakin, I won’t
deny you answers now that you know.” He murmured.

Turning
the chair a bit so he could face Obi-Wan, Anakin took a few seconds
to collect his thoughts. “…No one knows, why doesn’t anyone
know? Why didn’t you say anything?” He questioned slowly, visibly
confused but also a bit lost.

Settling
his hands in his lap, Obi-Wan sighed tiredly. “Because any darkness
on me were dismissed as Maul back then and no one was looking too
deeply at me as I had just lost my master. And I couldn’t tell
them, if they knew just how close I came to falling-” Anakin jerked
in shock, eyes snapping to Obi-Wan’s face with wide eyes. “Of how
I touched the darkness that dwells in all, they would have denied me
you to train. They were reluctant but if they knew… they would have
done everything to stop me training you.” Obi-Wan sighed deeply,
resisting the urge to rub his own hands nervously.

Anakin
stared at him, speechless before nodding, turning back to the
controls.

It
wouldn’t be the last he heard of this from his former padawan.

Of
that much Obi-Wan knew.

But
maybe that made for more trust.

Maybe
this was a good thing.

Obi-Wan
could simply hope as he too turned back to the controls, watching as
Anakin engaged hyperspace, stars blurring past them in bright lines
of light.