He
didn’t know how he got there.

Honestly
wasn’t Quinlan suppose to look after him!?

Somehow
however he had ended up on the old couch in Qui-Gon’s quarters.
That old monster that he sometimes fell asleep on after long study
periods and Qui-Gon had carried him to bed from.

And
he couldn’t just sneak out either because Qui-Gon was awake and
waiting, holding out a cup of tea mutely to him when Obi-Wan sat up
and took in where he was, a pounding headache thanks to the laced
alcohol so he had one hell of a hangover.

So
far they had been sitting on the couch mutely for what felt like a
horrendous amount of time, the sounds of a wakening temple reaching
them and the sun shining in from the living room window in orange and
yellow glow.

Clinging
to the cup in his lap, Obi-Wan opened his mouth to try and get out
when Qui-Gon suddenly spoke. “When you were found… it was I who
found you.” He whispered and Obi-Wan looked at the other, hunching
a bit in on himself.

He
knew this.

They
had talked about this, why was Qui-Gon…

Obi-Wan
words dried in his mouth as he caught wind of the others expression
as Qui-Gon pulled a crate out from under the caff table, gently
taking the lid off to reveal baby items of all things. “What I
didn’t tell you… was that I was the one who took care of you,”
Qui-Gon continued softly, pulling a little pale
blue onesie
with animal ears on the a hood and a little tail, a lamb onesie. “You
were so scared of everything because of the life you had led until then
that we couldn’t put you in the creche, so I volunteered to take
you in, take care of you. You honestly went on shift for a few
Knights but I was the one who held you the most, your crib was in my
bedroom.” He confessed quietly.

Obi-Wan’s
throat went tight, he didn’t know what to say to the other. Qui-Gon
had taken care of him, had been the one to change his diapers and
hold him when he was just scared of the world?

He
felt like screaming suddenly as he shakily put the cup on the dark wooden caff table.

“I
didn’t know how to explain it once
I finally had you back, as my padawan,”
Qui-Gon continued, his voice nary a whisper as Obi-Wan continued to
coil tighter in on himself. “To explain how I loved you from the
moment you opened your eyes and saw the sun for the first time when I
held you in my arms.” The Jedi master swallowed harshly, as if his
throat was suddenly too narrow just
like the former padawan’s felt in that moment,
too tight.

Obi-Wan
didn’t know what to say but he no longer felt like screaming.

Maybe
crying though.

Tears
might be a very real thing.

Qui-Gon
seemed to find his voice again. “You were so scared of the world
and yet you sought safety in me when I introduced you to the world
outside your tube, scared
of light, scared of sound and yet you curled into my chest and sought
warmth until I had to give you to the creche when you were
socialized, promising you’d be my padawan after Xanatos only for…
all the mess to happen and me to forget my promise.
Then you were my padawan suddenly
and I hurt you again
and again and again
and I just… didn’t know how to mend the bridges again.” He
confessed.

The tears
dripped down Obi-Wan’s face and that would do no favor for his
hangover.

Smiling
wryly, Qui-Gon stroked the little lamb ears while glancing at
Obi-Wan’s stunned expression. “When you were with me… I bought
several soft outfits for you. The council didn’t approve of course
but you were still so new and scared of the world, the tube and the
pain was
all
you knew… and I splurged with my own credits for soft and warm things.” He held out the
onesie for Obi-Wan to take.

With
numb hands, Obi-Wan did, stroking the soft fabric with his fingers as
his lips reluctantly twitched a bit as he imagined himself as a
little blue lamb, soft ears and a little tail.

Then
he glanced at Qui-Gon as the man drew something else out of the box,
a deep blue blanket with soft white stars on it.

“This
used to be your baby blanket while you were with me. I kept it all
when I handed you back to the creche except for your soft toy, a
lothcat,” Qui-Gon chuckled shakily, rubbing his thumb over a faded
star where the blue had started to bleed out into the white. “I’d
wrap you up in this and one of your onesies and hold you to my chest
where the sound of my breathing and heartbeat would still even the
sorest of your cries when you were overwhelmed or scared.” He
murmured quietly.

Swallowing
shakily, Obi-Wan opened his mouth. “Then why did you do that?” He
questioned pitifully, both of them knowing what ‘that’ was.

Smiling
sadly, Qui-Gon huffed. “Because I’m stupid and I panicked.
Because I promised Anakin’s mother to make sure he was safe…”
He confessed. “And in that moment I forgot to keep you safe.” He
reached out slowly then hesitated before he touched Obi-Wan, staring
at him.

Swallowing,
Obi-Wan stared at the hand before whimpering and pushing into it.

A
shaking large hand stroked over Obi-Wan’s hair dropping
down to wipe Obi-Wan’s tears
“…I don’t know how a parent is suppose to feel…but I know
this, I would be honored
to have been your father and
I’m so sorry
I hurt you.”
Qui-Gon choked out.

Breaking
into sobs, Obi-Wan leaned into him, his body trembling.

He
didn’t know what else to do but cry in that moment.

He
was so tired and the sound of Qui-Gon’s heart was familiar as were
the arms that wrapped around him, holding him tightly.